Misunderstanding Paul's Letter to Corinth

"Or do you not know that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers shall inherit the kingdom of God." I Corinthians 6: 9-10 New American Standard Translation


The term "effeminate" did not exist in either the original Hebrew or original Greek of the Bible. The word has actually changed meaning since 1611 when it was first used. Words have changed meaning over the centuries as they have been used in common language, like the word "gay" being once used for "happy". The term effeminate then when the Bible was translated into the King's English in 1611 meant "soft". So effeminate as it was MEANT would be a person soft in their faith, or since Paul was writing to address a specific issue he saw happening in the church in Corinth, people teaching the law even though they didn't completely understand the law. 


The next line "abusers of themselves with mankind" is also mis-translated from the word: "Arsenokoitai" which is made up of two parts: "arsen" means "man"; "koitai" means "beds." Although the word in English Bibles is interpreted as referring to homosexuals, we can be fairly certain that this is not the meaning that Paul wanted to convey. If he had, he would have used the word "paiderasste." That was the standard Greek term at the time for sexual activity between males. We can conclude that he probably meant something different than people who engaged in male-male adult sexual behavior. The letter of Paul was being written to church leaders in a town where the common way for idol worshippers to practice their worship was through male prostitutes at the idol temples throughout the city. Historical records from several sources confirm this. Those idol temples raised money for their temple through prostitution and Paul was probably writing warning the churches to avoid this practice. We are not clear as THAT WORD appears no where else in historical records nor in ANY original translation of the Bible.

Better Than Kentucky Fried Chicken

Commerce Kitchen Fried Chicken (adapted from James Boyce)

Ingredients:

2 cups flour

2 tablespoons salt

2 tablespoons pepper

4 tablespoons paprika

1 teaspoon garlic salt

1 tablespoon dry mustard

1 tablespoon French thyme, ground

1 tablespoon dried sweet basil, ground

1 teaspoon oregano, ground

1 tablespoon Jamaica ginger, ground (regular ground ginger will work too)

2 cups buttermilk

2 2 ½- 3 lb. chickens, cut into 8 pieces each

Vegetable oil for frying (canola and peanut oil work too)

Directions:

Mix dry ingredients in large bowl. Set aside.

Put chicken and buttermilk in two large plastic Ziploc bags or a flat dish and marinate in the refrigerator for at least two hours, turning every 30 minutes. This tenderizes the meat as well as removes any blood.

When ready to cook, remove chicken pieces from buttermilk, shake off excess liquid. Toss with dry ingredients. The chicken should be lightly covered, but it's okay if there are a few missed spots. You can also shake chicken with the dry ingredients in a large Ziploc bag.

Fill a large, heavy bottomed skillet or deep pot with enough oil to cover halfway up the largest piece of chicken. Heat oil to 325-350 degrees. If you don't have a cooking thermometer, wait for small bubbles to form.

Adjust heat so the oil bubbles are steady but not too rapid. Working in two or more batches, place the coated chicken in the hot oil. After about eight minutes, the chicken will be golden brown underneath. Turn over once and cook for an additional eight minutes or until nicely browned on both sides. The cooking process will agitate the pieces slightly, so you don't need to shift them around in the pan.

After frying, place chicken on a metal sheet tray covered in a paper towel and transfer to 200-degree oven to keep warm until serving. The chicken will stay moist for up to an hour.

Gay Marriage in 1991 - Chip Rowe and Randy Starnes

My husband, Kenneth "Chip" Rowe, and I were married at a Pride Festival in Atlanta in 1991 as part of the Mass Commitment Ceremony.  This was back when a real wedding and the possibility of gay marriage was just a dream. For us though, it was as meaningful and as deep a commitment we could publicly have.  It was pouring down rain and everyone was holding large plastic sheets up with one hand and holding their loved ones' hand in the other, almost like we were all under one big chuppah. And just as we were ready to say, "I do!" the rain just stopped, like a large water faucet in the sky was shut off.  Everyone starting cheering, and off course, I and thousands of others starting crying.  Then as someone in the crowd yelled, "Look!  It's a rainbow!" we placed the rings on each other's fingers.  It is a day I will never forget.  

Chip never forgot it either.  He was restless the night before his extraordinary light left this planet.  He could barely talk, and he kept trying to turn over from side to side; rocking and mumbling incoherently.  Hillary, his best friend helping take care of Chip there at the end, asked him, "Chip, what's wrong?  Are you in pain?"

He said barely in a whisper, "How will they know?"

Hillary and I exchanged questioning glances as I asked, "How will they know what, honey?"

"How will they know we were married?"  I of course couldn't answer, not because I knew an answer to give but because of the love he felt for me was on his mind in these last moments of life so strongly.  I KNEW he loved me. And I was crying. 

Ken's Morning

As morning now steals the night,

And graceful dawning yields a new vision,

I see your grace and courage in pain

As glimpses of what we all must endure.

As misery gave way to joy,

And release was but a breath away,

I saw your love and dignity given

As a guidepost and map for life again.

To have known and loved you,

I'll cherish for life-

To have cared and comforted

Has given me strength-

To have lost and grieved you

Has given assurance-

To have held you in dying

Brings trust for tomorrow.

As morning now steals the night,

And graceful dawning yields a new vision,

I see you and savor your spirit

And honor just how deeply I was loved.

Situation-al Prayer

     God, I am so glad You have the infinite wisdom to take perfect care of me. Give me the ability to rest in Your wisdom and not rely on my own. God, if it is really important that everyone knows I'm right in this situation, then You will work it out. I trust You to work it out. I will stay in peace.
     In the midst of trials and confusion, I trust in You, O GOD. God, You are so good to me. Even though things don't make sense to me right now, I trust that You have my best interests at heart. I have tried to figure things out on my own and I can't. SO I'm leaving it up to You, O GOD. I will trust in You.
     God, thank you for Your goodness and faithfulness. My prayer is that I might learn to truly trust You and Your goodness in all circumstances. I know Your timing is not always my timing. With Your help, I want to hold on to my hope and joy today as I wait for Your answer. 
     I have been discouraged and down, but You are God! And you can change my heart, mind and circumstances in a split second. Jesus, You could heal blind men with just a touch, and they would walk away completely changed forever. I pray to experience this amazing and life-changing turnaround. 
     I look at my situations as obstacles and insurmountable losses, but God, You see victory! In just a moment, You can heal my spiritual blindness to see things the way You see them.  God, thank you for seeing victory where I see defeat. Give me eyes to see things the way you see them.
     In Jesus' name! AMEN!

HAPPY Mother's Day? Sort of!

It is always difficult picking out cards for my Mama and Mother's Day is especially difficult.  I have to read through so many to say just the right words; nothing to sentimental, nothing to lovey, and nothing stating she was the best Mother in the world.  I WISH I had grown up in a family with a loving, kind, sweet, encouraging and non-abusive mother, but the fact is, I didn't.  


For several years I hated my mother.  I kept bottled inside all the pain and abuse caused by her words and what-should-have-been loving hands.  The poison and destruction that did to my soul were a burden that I physically and mentally carried.  It colored many decisions and prevented me from knowing and experiencing a genuine love and affection for people around me.  


It wasn't until several years had passed that I finally met someone who showed me what true love was all about.  My Chip helped me to "settle down" and with him I finally felt whole.  The years spent with him grounded me and were the happiest years of my life.  Because I was able to finally realize what true love was it made me sad for not knowing it all the years of my childhood.  My heart still carried around that hatred, and my soul still had a void that could not be filled.


It was these years with my Chippie that I finally realized what was missing was God.  And it was a friend and co-worker, Dianne Stohrer, that brought me back to church where I was again able to connect with that which was divine in my soul.  Within the depth of that divine light is all the strength, peace, forgiveness, and love anyone would ever need.  Admittedly, I have allowed myself to shut off my access to it and have not heeded it's gently knudging me toward more peaceful and healthy decisions. I had a hard time seeing and hearing the direction along the "divine path" planned for me by a loving Creator because I allowed all my past mistakes, my pain, my self-doubt and inner self-destruction to push it from view and out of hearing range.


God had to find a way to get through to me so that I could hear Him. It came in the form of dreams.  When I was asleep my mind, I guess, would be still enough to hear the soft voice of a loving Creator whispering His love in my heart. And it was God who gave me a vision on night that allowed one of the greatest weights to lift from my soul.  A vision just as clear and sweet to me today and when I felt it.  It lifted a weight from my shoulders that I had become so accustomed to and removed a wall which kept access to that which is divine always out of reach.


Here is my dream...


My sister and I were on our way to have a private supper with Pop-Pop (God had revealed Himself to me in an intimate way that modeled the term Abba, or "Daddy" in Hebrew, which for me was revealed to my mind as Pop-Pop). We arrived and met Him at the door of His house. It wasn't a temple, but it was definitely deserving of a King yet comfortable to come into more because of the way God treated us as His children and less about the furnishings.


He led us down the hallway to His private dining room.  This was a smaller room than the Main Hall where all of His children would gather on occasion. As we walked past a large tapestry on the wall I happened to notice the beautiful pictures woven into the tapestry.  It was almost like a map, but if you looked very closely and studied it, you could see it moved.  I realized that this was how God watched the world and saw how intricately it was woven so that a single thread affected so many others.  We are all connected more closely than we in our human minds can understand, but with Pop-Pop it was all so easy to see.


We continued till we entered a door to the private supper room and my two brothers, Lynn and Danny, were already there.  We were all happy and smiling at each other; joking around in "our way" of poking sarcastic comments toward love but yet words understood as being loving.   (Here on Earth, this would NEVER happen as we don't even speak to our two brothers anymore).  As I looked over to Pop-Pop to start, I asked, "What's for Supper?"


He said, "We can't start yet, we're not all here yet!"


But I said, "We ARE all here, Pop-Pop!  There is Lynn and Danny and Faye! And I'm here so who is left?"


God said, "My Sweet Angel isn't here yet!"


As He said those words, the door to our intimate encounter with God opened, and in walked my Mother!!! And Pop-Pop said, "THERE'S my Sweet Angel!"


I woke up in tears at this point.  In just the smallest part of a second, all the weight, the anger, the hatred, the mental tapes of my mother's voice were all erased!  I was healed of all that had kept me from realizing that Louise Starnes was just another of God's children just as were Faye, Lynn, Danny and myself.  I had certainly NEVER thought of her as a "Sweet Angel" before.  I realized that if God could still call her His angel and love her even though she treated us all as abusively as she did, then who am I NOT to do so?


I had been speaking to Mama on the phone every Sunday and our weekly call had become our ritual.  We never talked about anything important, mostly safe stuff like the weather, or the news, or the Tennessee Vols football game, or the Nascar race on TV.  So Sunday morning, after having this dream, Mama answers the phone and the first words out of her mouth are, "THERE'S my Sweet Angel!"  I knew then that my dream was true; that God had healed me of my resentment. 


We still keep our conversations "safe", as it is very difficult for her to show love and emotion.  Lovey-dovey words and sentiments are just lost on her and you can tell if you try that she is uncomfortable.  Yes, I wish I had the kind of Mom my friends had, but that dream has brought me more peace and Mother's Day isn't such a bad day anymore.

My First Christmas Memory

When I was a child, we didn't have a fireplace for Santa to deliver presents so he had to leave them on the front porch. When Santa knocked on the door I would be the one to open the door. This year, I was about 4 or 5 years old, I had a brilliant idea! Instead of listening for the knock on the front door, I would listen for the creak of the front porch floor boards.
As my sister and I sat and played checkers, I was listening for Santa, and sure enough, I heard the creak of the floor boards! I jumped up and was running to the front door when my sister yells out, "Santa Claus better move his ASS, or Randy's gonna catch him!"
I threw the door open and sure enough, all the presents were there in front of the door on the porch, only this time, the front porch swing was rocking back and forth! I was SO EXCITED! Not only did I almost catch Santa, but I had physical PROOF that he was real! (Later, I find out my brother had leapt from the porch catching his foot on the swing causing him to land face down in the snow!)
My sister comes up behind me with my jacket and says, "Let's go outside, look up in the sky and see if we can spot Santa and his reindeer!". So outside we were in this star-filled night, clear skies, a light snow on the ground, baby brother (me) looking excitedly in the sky, and big sister down on one knee with her arm around my shoulder looking up into the sky with me. A TRUE Hallmark moment in my life if there ever was one!
Just then, Louise (our Mama) ran out onto the front porch with her shotgun and fired, "BOOM! BOOM!" and screamed, "You fat son-of-a-bitch! I told you to stay off my god-damned roof!"
I start screaming, "No Mommy! Don't shoot Santa Claus!"
My sister yells, "Mama! What the hell are you doing?"
Neighbors come outside to find out what had happened asking, "Louise! What's wrong!"
Mama says, "Aww Hell! It's time he quit believing in that Santa Claus BULLSHIT! I'm the one who buys all the god-damned presents in THIS house!"
No more dreaming, or fantasies, or make believe in my Mama's house! By God, she made SURE of that!

Where I Am Today - Wanting Something ELSE!

People have been asking me how I am since I moved to Nashville.  Here is the only answer I can come up with: I am doing the best that I can. Sometimes it is just a day to day survival, and sometimes it is minute by minute. I had moved here to Nashville to what I thought would be a chance to regroup, recover, reassess, and reimagine my future. But it is more stressful here than it was in Birmingham!  Great! From the frying pan into the fire.

What was so stressful about Birmingham? My lover, Darrell Fitzgerald (who calls himself a Rev....HA!), of 7 years left me for a member of the Board of Directors at our church Covenant Community Church Birmingham.  That backstabbers name, Clif "Sissy" Davenport, (yes, he prefers to be called Sissy) left his lover of 14yrs.  Darrell and Clif broke up with the two of us on the SAME DAY! Of course Clif had been trying to get in Darrell's pants since the first weekend we attended church. (Some church, huh? Well, let's just say it's the leadership!)  Clif even tried to get Darrell to convince me to get a 3-way going. I mean really?!?

And WHO was the pastor of this unethical church staff? My best friend of 14 years, J.R. Finney,II. What did J.R. do?  Abso-Fuckin-lutely NOTHING! EXCEPT tell ME that if I didn't quit telling people what happened (since when is the truth wrong?) that he would have to ask me to leave the church.  NOT the lying staff-clergy who commited adultery, or his home-wrecking Board of Directors Slut!  I was devasted! (and several other emotions including RAGE that J.R. and his fake-healers tried to "heal" me of, but which EVERY psychologist and counselor I have seen told me I have EVERY RIGHT to feel)  I had to draw a line in the sand with J.R., as there are some things that I refuse to back down on when it comes to my religious convictions. I believe in forgiveness, but refuse to allow leaders to have two sets of rules. Two for themselves and only one for the rest of us. I am sincerely apologetic that my 'line in the sand defense' included throwing away an entire congregation of people. But after the pastor of the church forces me out of HIS church (obviously not a Christ centered church, but rather a pastor centered church) and nothing is done to my ex or board member, it looked like I had done something and people started being cruel, not to my face of course, but to my back.  It got back to me what was being said.  But as one counselor asked, "Randy, why do you WANT these people as friends? They're hypocrites, liars, and backstabbers and you are better off without them!"  Why did I want them?  I loved them....once!

Losing JR as my best friend hurt worse than Darrell and Clif's betrayal and I am still in pain over it. It rocked my faith for a while, and I still refuse to ever trust another person claiming to be a preacher. Too many wolves! It did force me to see that no person or objectified person should ever be placed on a pedestal. Pedestals fall, and I should only look to God for my strength, comfort, and friendship. My faith has actually come out stronger because of it. Not at JR's or anyone else's hand, but rather by a loving Creator who literally DID come after me like a lost sheep.

I love and miss my first husband, Chip, who died in 1996. I want to see him again in Heaven, where I know with an assuredness as strong as my faith in God's love, Chip will be there!  He will ride up to me on his horse, long blond hair shining from the Light of God on His Throne, Chip's blue eyes reflecting the sky of that Unclouded Day, and shirtless and barefoot as he said he always was as a child on his father's horses (and now, his Father's horses!).  Too see my Chippie, I know it is imperative to forgive all three of them. I am still struggling with letting that pain and anger go.

My health deteriorated quickly after the suicide attempt, losing my job and after the foreclosure on my home, and I have had to move in with my sister. I haven't been able to work since Nov 2010. I refused (or was too proud) to let people know I was sick and needed help. I figured I was either gonna lay on my couch and die or tell my family what was going on. My sister responded with, "git yer ass up here!"  I thought it was going to be different here, but it's still the same old things that drove me away from family (and kept me away).  We put the FUN in dys-FUN-ctional!!!  And now, she is losing HER house to foreclosure and we will have to find a new place to live. Add to that mix my nephew's two sons (11 and 9yr olds) who will be moving in with us because he can't take care of them and....well you get the picture! Cody is ok, but the youngest, TYLER?  He couldn't tell the truth if his life depended on it. If it isn't nailed down, he steals it. He is a bully to the kids at school, forcing several parents to write letters to the school in complaint, and he can't read or do math.  And his mouth! The kid will NOT shut up! And he is always in trouble for this at school.

I am trying for disability, but that doesn't look to happen anytime in the near future.  I do like the new Care Facility I go to. I may like my new doctor, or "fellow", but I ain't too sure yet. I like Nashville Cares very much but can't get to them as often as I like. I cannot talk to anyone or my sister goes into "over protection" mode.  I'm just dealing with it until I can get disability started and then I am looking for a roommate and getting outta here!  I didn't have high blood pressure until I moved here and now it's high everytime I go to the doctor. Stress is slowly undoing all the good work my physicians and counselors are trying to do. I am just resigned to the fact that right now, it doesn't look like I will ever lead my own life again or be happy.

That's where I am tonight.   Unhappy, hopeless, and wondering "why the fuck didn't the suicide work?" I don't want to be like this, but it looks like cutting ties completely with my family will be the only way I can survive.  That's a sad thing to say!